Well Into 2010

Well we are well into 2010. I hear much talk about how to refer to this new decade/year of ours. Twenty- Ten seems to be the "cool" choice.

So, I am a little anxious about how things have not miraculously changed yet. Im not any healthier (by that I mean - stopped drinking wine and lost weight). There are no new amazing men in my life that have suddenly realized I am what they have been waiting for their whole lives and how could they have been so blind...or any old men (in both senses of the word) that have come to their senses and decided that they actually should repent and pay me what they owe me, or at least half of it.....

As I type this, I realize a reoccuring theme. I am waiting for others (especially men) to make the move and make my life better...I dont think that is how it works. I am one who actually tells alot of people/clients/friends/daughters...you cant wait or expect them to change. You have to be the one who does it! I think the only fear around this for me is that last time I acted on that " I guess it's me who has to make the change" impulse, a few dramatic events happened - escape into the rice fields at 3 am, blurry trip to Singapore, sneaking back into Indonesia, hiding in hotels, contacting embassies, cryptic and powerful lawyers, dukuns, having to explain inexplicable things to innocent children, stalkings, attacks, messy courtroom drama, financial ruin, hurting others, landing in Canada with 3 kids and 400 bucks and gaining sixty pounds......Need I say more on why I may be hesitant to start a new "change"?

In reflection though - and sorry for the cliche- "I've come a long way baby"...and so have my daughters. It definitely wasnt boring- and we are all stronger for it.

So, perhaps that should be the outcome I am focusing on - beginning with the end in mind....I wonder if I can patent that saying?